Ears. Open.

Listening:

NY Is Killing Me - Gil Scott-Heron and Jamie xx

Rolling In The Deep - Adele

The Great Escape - Patrick Watson

Machines - Emma Davis

Eric Is Dead - Panda Su

In Our Circle - Guineafowl

The Wilhelm Scream - James Blake

Resurrection

I often like to think back and try to remember exactly how everything a year ago from today. I do it once every so often, because it continuously reaffirms the idea that everything is transient and the only real constant is change.

A year ago from today, I woke up in my college bed, loosely wrapped in a red velvet toga and covered from head to toe in red glitter and paint. My suitcase lay half packed in the middle of the floor and I had about half an hour to catch a train.

Toga Party was the night before and all of us had gotten ridiculously drunk one last time before college broke up for Easter. The one song that I remember playing on my iPod on the train home (which I made, thanks to a nifty taxi driver) was Example's "Watch The Sun Come Up".

A year ago, I was still enjoying the final strains of senior year in college. I hadn't really settled down all that much from first year uni and everything still seemed a bit of a shambles as I working out everything around me. I toyed with the idea of being with people I didn't really care all that much about to try and feel something again. Thinking again about how everything had been a year ago.

And today, a year later, I woke up in my own bed. Thinking partly about the night before, partly about how much I've grown. Smiling, thinking about how everything is going at the moment, not knowing how long it's going to last, not having any permanent reassurance that it will all work out for the best and somehow being okay with it.

"Some time later there was a song in the jukeboxes on the Upper East Side that went “but where is the schoolgirl who used to be me,” and if it was late enough at night I used to wonder that. I know now that almost everyone wonders something like that, sooner or later and no matter what he or she is doing, but one of the mixed blessings of being twenty and twenty-one and even twenty-three is the conviction that nothing like this, all evidence to the contrary notwithstanding, has ever happened to anyone before."

Goodbye to all that - Joan Didion